


Coming Down

by Petra4President



Series: Corpsekkuno <3 [10]
Category: youtube - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Blood, CORPSE NEEDS A HUG, Happy Ending, Hurt and comfort, M/M, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, song-fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-03
Updated: 2021-03-03
Packaged: 2021-03-16 15:55:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,466
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29827359
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Petra4President/pseuds/Petra4President
Summary: It's caving in around meWhat I thought was solid groundI tried to look the other wayBut I couldn't turn aroundIt's okay for you to hate meFor all the things I've doneStep away from the ledge,I'm coming downThis is a story based off of the song Coming Down by Five Finger Death Punch. Please look at the tags before reading.
Relationships: Corpse Husband & Sykkuno (Video Blogging RPF), Corpse Husband/Sykkuno (Video Blogging RPF)
Series: Corpsekkuno <3 [10]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2015482
Comments: 5
Kudos: 113





	Coming Down

**Author's Note:**

> So, I wrote this story because I'm currently struggling with a really bad case of depression. I've always dealt with it on and off but it's gotten worse...more than I expected. Writing is my way of coping and I desperately needed to get some stuff off of my chest. I am projecting a lot on Corpse but I promise there's no need to worry, my friends are helping me deal a lot :)
> 
> The song is Coming Down by Five Finger Death Punch. It's about suicide and the music video is really powerful if you want to check it out. I didn't use all the lyrics and I rearranged them to fit my story. Hope you all enjoy!

_It’s caving in around me_

His life was never easy. From the moment he was brought into this world, he was handed the metaphorical short end of the stick in just about every aspect of his upbringing. Whether it be his parents, the house he lived in, the conditions he lived under, the schools he went to, his peers, _everything._ When he moved out to essentially squat in another house, he truly thought things couldn’t get worse. 

When he was 19, he learned that wasn’t the case. 

_What I thought was solid ground_

Even though he finally had his own place that he could barely afford, he was so sure he had hit rock bottom. His depression was at an all time high, the thoughts of suicide were never more prominent, and he all but felt he had been cornered in a dead end. But then one morning, he woke up without the ability to use his arms. And it stayed that way for three days. 

The moment he was able to move them again, albeit painfully, he went to the ER to figure out what the hell was going on. After several tests, he was sent home with another appointment and no answers. It went on like that for a year until they finally diagnosed him with Fibromyalgia. In his opinion, it was a bullshit diagnosis and he fully believed that because of his age, everything else was improbable in the eyes of his doctors. 

_I tried to look the other way_

But still, he managed to say afloat through jobs he could perform at home. It was mostly coding for software, something that didn’t require a lot of effort for his already struggling arms. But jobs were few and it was difficult in of itself to even pay rent. Corpse often found himself making those kinds of decisions; would it be better to pay rent or buy food each week. More often than not, he was forced to go with the first option. 

_But I couldn’t turn around_

Despite the fact he was able to keep himself busy, the knowledge of his quickly deteriorating health always lingered in the back of his mind. Most days, it would just manifest through his arms protesting with even the slightest movement or the ends of his fingers constantly feeling like pins and needles. 

His friends had quickly noticed something was wrong. Truth was, Corpse hadn’t told any of them about his newfound health condition. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust them, it was more along the lines of him not wanting to burden those close to him with this problem that wasn’t theirs. Corpse knew that they would try to help. But that was the last thing he wanted them to do. This was his issue and his alone. 

_It's okay for you to hate me for all the things I’ve done_

Corpse pushed them away. It wasn’t like he wanted to; he desperately missed the times they were together. However, his days would be spent with him in bed, telling him to get out and be productive. But he just couldn’t. He found no reason to. The buzzing of his phone to announce he had notifications only added to it. He hadn’t messaged them back in days, what difference would it make if he did it now? They probably hated him for it anyway.

Sighing, he turned his back to the device. The curtains were drawn shut, they had been since the day he moved in, and the mirror that once hung on the wall beside it was shattered. Broken pieces of glass still littered the ground, some even sullied with dried blood. His knuckles ached at the memory of when he momentarily lost it. Was it yesterday? Three days ago? A month ago? He couldn’t remember. 

_I could never be what you want me to_

The sound of a notification sounded through the quiet room. Usually, such a noise would only make him cower away. But he knew who the message was from. And that knowledge made his heart flutter. From over his shoulder, he glanced at his phone on the nightstand, the screen darkening once the allotted amount of time passed. He wanted to open it, to see what they had said, but he couldn’t.

About a year ago, when his depression didn’t completely confine him to his apartment, he was hanging out with his good friend Dave. He couldn’t quite remember what they had been doing but on his way home, he accidentally ran into a man coming out of a coffee shop. Literally. He spilled his drink and Corpse felt terrible. After helping him up, he offered to buy him a new one and the guy was far too nice about the whole ordeal. 

His name was Sykkuno. After several other chance encounters, they exchanged numbers which led to them talking daily. They even met up a few times at the other man’s place, one that was far nicer than his own. And soon enough, the feelings made themselves known. They had always been there from day one but the mere idea of it made Corpse sick. 

_I pull you under just to save myself_

Sykkuno was great, hell, he was fucking perfect. Even being near him was enough to raise his serotonin. On more than one occasion, Corpse found himself texting Sykkuno whenever his depression was bad. The man never declined a message or call from him; Corpse couldn’t help but wonder if he was getting in the way of the brunette’s work. 

Gradually, he shut Sykkuno out too. That one was actually on purpose, he was using the other man to make himself feel happy without knowing the kind of effect it had on Sykkuno. He had no idea if he even knew about Corpse’s problems. And honestly, he was keen on keeping the brunette in the dark. 

His guilt only grew when Sykkuno confessed to him. He was so shy about it, hiding his beautiful smile behind his hands. He was nervous and the memory made his heart swell. Corpse wanted desperately to tell him that he felt the same; that he wanted nothing more than to be with him. But he choked. He ran from Sykkuno. And he could never forgive himself for that. 

_Is there anybody out there?_

Pushing back the tears threatening to fall, Corpse dragged himself out of bed. His muscles groaned with the lack of use and after spending a solid minute just stretching, he shuffled to the adjoining bathroom. Unlike any of the others in his apartment, the mirror attached to the wall was intact. That was mostly because he would have to pay to get it fixed. He couldn’t waste money in his stupid fits of rage. 

Slowly, he curled his fingers around a razor blade that rested on the counter, moving to sit inside of the bathtub. He was wearing the same thing he had been for three days now; a white t-shirt and black joggers. Corpse stared dully at the thin scars littering his arms, dark lines a stark contrast on pale skin. 

Without so much as a flinch, he pressed the cool metal against his wrist. 

_Is there anyone who cares?_

The sting of the blade breaking his skin brought a sick sense of relief to him. After years of doing this act, it no longer hurt...but it showed that he could still _feel_ something. 

_Is there anybody listening?_

He made his way further down his wrist, the tub below being painted red with his blood. He wanted to press deeper, he wanted to know what that felt like. He wanted to feel something other than sadness. 

_Will they hear my final prayers?_

Before he could go any further, he was interrupted by the sound of his phone going off to announce he was getting a phone call. The razor blade clattered to the porcelain beneath him and Corpse stumbled out of the tub and to the nightstand. Using his clean hand, he picked up the device to show the caller ID. It was Sykkuno. 

Against his better judgment, he answered. 

“H-Hello?” His voice sounded far too weak and faintly, he heard a relieved sigh on the other end of the line. Carefully as to not get blood on the carpet, Corpse made his way back to the bathroom to sit against the counter. 

_“Corpse! I’m so glad you picked up. No one has heard from you in a while and we’re all really worried.”_ Sykkuno sounded so happy. Even after the last time they had seen each other...when Corpse had run away after Sykkuno told him how he felt. Fuck, he really was a coward. _“Are you okay?”_

_It’s tearing me apart_

Corpse paused, his eyes drifting down to the new slits on his wrist. Crimson rolled down his arm and dripped off of his fingertips. The inside of his bathtub was nothing less than a bloody mess, the razor blade only more proof as to what he did. The shadows clawed at his chest, begging him to hang up and finish the deed. 

“N-No...not really.” He croaked, gluing his eyes on the pristine white tile to his right. 

_It’s all coming down around me_

_“What happened?”_ Corpse couldn’t answer him. This throat felt drier than it actually was and his brain wasn’t supplying him with anything to say. All he needed was one half-assed excuse to make Sykkuno stop worrying. But his vocal cords failed him each time he tried. 

The silence dragged on for far too long, Corpse’s bloodied hand drifting to his hair to grip painfully at the strands. His arm was growing tired from holding the phone up to his ear but hearing Sykkuno’s voice was more than enough for him to power through the aching. 

_Does anyone, anyone care at all?_

_“What’s your address?”_ The question caught him off guard; they had always agreed to meet up either in public or at Sykkuno’s place. Why the hell did he want his address now of all times? And really, he shouldn’t give it to him. His bathroom looked like someone had gotten murdered and he hadn’t showered in who knows how long. Sykkuno didn’t need to see this and Corpse didn’t want him to see him at his lowest. 

But his mouth was spewing it out before he could stop himself. _“I’ll be there soon.”_ And then the line went dead, his phone falling to the mat he was sitting on. Corpse cursed to himself, throwing his head back much more roughly than he should have. 

Vaguely, he knew he should probably clean up his bathroom and shower before Sykkuno got there. But his legs wouldn’t cooperate with him and his body felt incredibly heavy. Slowly, his eyelids slid shut as the lingering sting of his cuts lulled him to sleep. 

_You will never see what’s inside of me_

There was a knock at his door that jolted Corpse awake, his back screaming at him for falling asleep while sitting up. The blood on his arms had since dried and he glanced at his phone, pressing the screen to check the time. He had fallen asleep for nearly two hours and Sykkuno was already here. 

_Fuck._

Before he could even get up, he heard his front door open and close. Briefly, Corpse wondered when he even unlocked the damn thing but he also couldn’t find it in himself to care. Despite the mess around him, his body failed him when he tried to move just to straighten up even a little bit. Or at least make it look like he was being productive. 

Sykkuno rounded the corner and Corpse rolled his head to the side. He didn’t want to see his horrified expression once he realized what was going on. And for a while, he didn’t say anything. It wasn’t until Corpse heard him actually enter the bathroom did he look at the other man. He was rummaging through his drawers until he found a washcloth, running it underwater until it was soaked. 

The brunette crouched down, carefully taking hold of Corpse’s arm to lift it. He began running the cloth over his cuts as gently as he could, wiping away any trace of blood on his skin all the way down to his fingers and elbow. Then, he set it aside to grab a bottle of hydrogen peroxide that Corpse forgot he even had. 

With a new washcloth doused with the medicinal alcohol, Sykkuno pressed it into his wounds to thoroughly clean them. Corpse hissed, blunt nails digging into his palm as he focused on not jerking his arm away. Eventually, the pain subsided and Corpse forced himself to look at Sykkuno again. His eyes were training on his cuts as dutiful fingers worked to cause as little discomfort as possible. 

“You’re not surprised…” It was a statement more than a question; most people would probably freak out and call 911 upon walking into the scene Sykkuno did. But he remained calm and even knew what to do. Smiling softly, Sykkuno set everything on the counter and helped Corpse to his feet. He was a little shaky since he had been sitting for so long but the older man didn’t leave his side until he was sure he was steady. 

“I saw them the first time we met.” Sykkuno explained, letting Corpse go carefully. He made his way over to the shower and picked up the razor blade with the washcloth still in his hand. He placed them both on the vanity, turning the showerhead on to begin the process of cleaning the bathtub.

_I pull you under just to save myself_

“Oh…” Corpse watched him work, his fingers fiddling with the hem of his shirt now stained red. The blood didn’t take long to wash out of the tub and Sykkuno turned to face him with yet another stunning smile. 

“Do you want to shower real quick?” Sykkuno didn’t really wait for an answer, he was already pulling out a full-sized towel and hanging it on the rack next to the tub. Corpse nodded, sauntering over to his room to pull out a change of clothes. By the time he was back, Sykkuno had removed the bloody floor mat as well as wiped up any last bit of red left on the tile. Guilt clutched at his heart; he shouldn’t be cleaning up after him. 

“I’ll be waiting in your room, if that’s okay.” Corpse shrugged to show that he didn’t care and soon enough, the bathroom door was shut. With much care for his new cuts, he removed his shirt and the rest of his clothing before he was left naked, climbing into the much-needed shower. Briefly, the water turned crimson as it washed away the blood that had managed to get under his shirt somehow. 

He didn’t want to stay in the shower too long, being left alone with his thoughts wouldn’t be the healthiest for him so he rushed the routine, only making sure that he just didn’t smell anymore. After lazily rinsing the conditioner out of his unruly hair, he turned the water off and dried himself with the towel. 

He stared at his reflection, a scowl forming on his lips as he took himself in. Those thin lines tainted the expanse of both arms, a few deeper ones that have turned into no more than scars on his thighs. Bags resided underneath his eyes and he’s clearly lost weight since the last time he gathered enough courage to look at himself.

Spinning on his heels so he wouldn’t have to see the cadaver he had basically turned into, _how ironic_ , he pulled on his black sweats and hoodie in an attempt to hide the evidence. Not that it would help anyways; Sykkuno had known since day one. 

The man was sitting on his bed, a first aid kit opened on his lap that Corpse knew he had brought from home. He never cared enough about his own well-being to keep one here. The brunette waved him over and with a sigh, Corpse wandered to the bed to sit next to him. Almost immediately, Sykkuno was on his feet to face him, grabbing hold of his hand to gently roll the sleeve of his hoodie up to his elbow. Corpse didn’t feel like he needed to pull away this time. 

Sykkuno dutifully pressed gauze against the new cuts, some had reopened with the movement of his arm, and began bandaging the area. One by one, the scars began to disappear behind the beige cloth, and Corpse couldn’t help but feel like a weight was being lifted from his chest once he taped it into place.

“How do you...have experience with this stuff?” Sykkuno hid a nervous giggle behind his hand, moving to the bathroom to quickly grab a brush before crawling on the bed until he was behind Corpse. Before the raven could protest, he felt the bristles gently move through his curls, fingers working with the brush to de-tangle the mess his hair had turned into. 

“I-I don’t really have, uhm, experience. A-After we became friends, I did some...uh, research on h-how to care for self-inflicted cuts.” Sykkuno stuttered when he was embarrassed, Corpse learned that pretty quickly. And his explanation only made him chuckle fondly; only Sykkuno would have enough heart to do something like that. 

It fell silent once more, Sykkuno brushing the tangles out of his hair with care as Corpse just sat there and enjoyed the occasional graze of the brunette’s fingers against his scalp. His hair had grown longer, he hadn’t much time nor the funds to get it cut for some time now. It ended at the base of his neck though it was probably longer as they curled quite a bit. 

Soon enough, the hairbrush was able to run through without any interference and Sykkuno set it to the side on the bed. The air between them had grown thick with tension, much was left unsaid and Corpse desperately needed to tell him the truth. Taking a deep breath, he turned around completely so they were face to face. Sykkuno was playing with the sleeves of his light blue hoodie, a fair shade of pink dusting his cheeks. He really was perfect. 

“Sykkuno...I need to tell you something.” He steeled himself, using all of his willpower to keep their eye contact. Corpse was nervous, his shoulder taunt with strain and every muscle in his body full of tension. But Sykkuno came all the way out here to make sure he was okay. The least he could do was tell him what he deserved to hear. 

“That day you confessed to me-” Sykkuno squeaked at that, his face turning full-blown red as he waved his hands around in the air. 

“O-Oh! N-No need! We can just talk about something else and-” Corpse smirked, grasping Sykkuno’s hands between his own to draw his attention once more. The brunette relaxed a little, his doe brown eyes glued on their intertwined fingers. 

“That day you confessed to me,” Corpse repeated softly, “I made the mistake of running from you. I don’t want you to think it’s because I don’t feel the same, because _fuck,_ I care about you so much. I just...the thought of you being stuck with someone like me should be a crime in and of itself.” Corpse dropped his gaze to the old cuts peeking out underneath his rolled-up sleeve, bile rising to his throat that he quickly forced back down. 

He felt soft fingers against his cheek, urging him to meet Sykkuno’s gaze once more. Corpse did so, melting in the way his eyes shone brightly despite the situation. He looked so fucking _happy_ and the raven wanted nothing more than to preserve the sight before him. 

“I knew you felt the same. I didn’t want to rush you; I wanted you to tell me when you were ready. Sykkuno pulled him into a hug, the scent of vanilla and lavender invading his nostrils in the most pleasant of ways. “And I’m so happy you did.” Corpse felt the dam break right then. He was always so good at hiding his emotions. But when you’re embraced by the person you care about most, there is nothing that can hold back what you desperately need to get out. 

His body shook with sobs and Corpse wrapped his arms around Sykkuno’s torso. A hand rubbed soothing circles into his back, another massaging his scalp enticingly. Corpse’s eyes fell shut, holding onto Sykkuno like his life depended on it. Perhaps, in this exact moment, it really did. And that was okay. 

_Step away from the ledge_

**Author's Note:**

> The next chapter of Hija Mia is in the works you shouldn't be waiting too much longer for it! I just needed to put some angst onto paper before I could write fluff :D


End file.
